For the past few years I’ve been borderline obsessed with being happy. I write lists of what I can do to make me happy. Lists of what will make Buzz happy, which to be fair is mainly drinking alcohol and watching films. Lists of what will make the children happy, O’s is mainly based around food. Some of it is achievable like a good G&T others not so much.
I find myself spending so much time mourning the things that are unachievable, or punishing myself because I haven’t reached that unrealistic goal that I’m striving for, that a lot of the time some wonderful, important things that are going right and would be giving me a lot of pleasure are slipping by unnoticed.
Life is more than fulfilling every hope and dream that you ever had. Things change and you have to adjust your perspective. There are major aspects of my life that are different to the way I’d hoped they’d be so my end goal has to be different.
Just like I’ve had to change my teenage dream of marrying Harrison Ford. It didn’t happen I married someone else (obviously) who on reflection I have much more in common with and isn’t 30 years my senior which is also a bonus.
I have had to change some of my parenting goals. Only some though, I still get to give 2 human beings that I made with the man I love cuddles, I can hug them every day if I want just grab them for a squeeze and kiss them on their not so little heads. For that I think I’m lucky to be able to physically show your child that they are loved is a precious thing that not everyone gets to do.
So what if mine and Buzz’s dream of packing up and moving to Spain when the children leave home will never happen because one child isn’t going anywhere. If needs be we’ll take him with us, slightly less relaxing though I will admit.
As for the more mundane and less life changing items on my happiness list I will admit that a good hair day still remains elusive but with the right hair product I’m sure is achievable. So is the perfect G&T. And one day, one day I will consider myself beach body ready whatever the hell that even means.
Meanwhile in the real world I’ll just keep trying to be content with my lot instead of striving for complete happiness because I’m not sure it actually exists.